Awakening
by Jenny70529
Summary: He's not coming back.


_Author's Notes: Not sure how to describe this…just something that popped out when I sat down to write a "Social Problems" paper for school. I love feedback!_

_Jenny_

**Awakening**

She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she never thought it would actually hurt.

"_I was offered a full time position…I'm going to take it…I'm sorry."_

For four years, she had lusted over the one steady role model in her life. She thought she was head-over-heels in love, she thought he was the man of her dreams. She thought that if he would only give her the time of day, not even his entire heart, she would be complete as a person. She was complete, that's for sure, completely wrong. As she began her fifth year in Sin City, she finally acknowledged her problems and began to move forward.

A sociology professor during her first year at Harvard had told her once that until she found herself and knew what her own strengths and weakness were, she'd never be able to help others. Dr. Schmidt had told her that the purpose of college wasn't to learn, but to explore oneself and find the life path they were destined to take. After four years of undergraduate studies, and one of graduate studies, she was no closer to finding herself than she was the day she watched her mother being pushed into the back of a squad car, her father bloody and motionless in the living room of their broken home.

She hadn't intended to take the entomology seminar Grissom had been leading. She never particularly cared for insects, and never desired to become close and personal with them. It was a favor for a friend. Maryanne, her overambitious roommate, had double booked herself for the first day of the seminar, and as a favor Sara had offered to attend and take notes so she wouldn't be behind on the second leg of the presentation.

Within the first minute of the lecture, Sara became interested in the presentation. Within five, she was completely captivated by the speaker. She eagerly attended the remaining sessions with Maryanne, uncaring over the lack of credit she was receiving for her time spent.

Even after the seminar had concluded, she was unable to forget the handsome entomologist. When she got the call to come to Vegas, she barely had time to pack and overnight bag before she was on her way. He had sought her out for the job; it had to mean something, right? Maybe he was just as interested in her as she was in him.

Unfortunately, that was definitely not the case. After four years of aiming to impress and please him, she was slapped in the face when not only did she get rejected for a date, but denied a promotion she had worked very hard to achieve. And after the dust settled, he had the gall to wonder why she was on the verge of a drinking problem? The night he had to drive her home because she had been pulled over for a DUI, she knew she had to make a change.

From that point on, her fascination and obsession with Gil Grissom was over.

If only she knew how wrong, yet again, she was.

"_I know I'm blindsiding you with this, and I'm terribly sorry. I never meant to hurt you, but I can't pass this up. I'm starting to burn out in Vegas, and it's not fair to myself or the rest of you to be part of the team when my heart isn't in it. I'm not saying I will never return, but for now, Vegas is not an option."_

She found herself feeling more social than she had in years. It was remarkable how big of a difference letting go of Grissom made in her life. She was able to laugh with her coworkers, she wasn't constantly worrying she'd say something wrong or make the tiniest of mistakes. She was free to be her own person, to find out who she really was, just as that Intro Sociology professor had repeatedly drilled into their heads during her first semester. During her fifth year in Las Vegas, she explored Sara Sidle, who she was and what she wanted out of life. She learned a few important facts: she sought unavailable men, probably because she enjoyed the challenge. She wasn't an alcoholic, but if she didn't start finding something else to make her happy, she may become one. She had deep-seeded issues from childhood that needed to be worked out before she could make any use out of her life.

What would make her happy?

Her friends would. She learned to rely on Nick, Warrick, and Greg not only for someone to unwind with, but for support as well. After the shifts split, she learned how to compromise and make the best of a bad situation, and within weeks she and Greg were the best of buddies, although Sophia and Grissom were tolerable, at best. By the time she was approaching her sixth year in Vegas, she felt like she was finally a part of something, like she finally belonged.

And then the world crumbled from beneath her.

When Nick was abducted, it tested all of their strengths and weaknesses. Sara had always hated to watch people suffer, but for it to be one of her best friends…she was barely able to keep herself together, much like the rest of her colleagues.

In an uncharacteristic fit of generosity, Ecklie reunited the grave yard shift, and for awhile, things went smoothly. That is, until Grissom approached her to ask her out for a cup of coffee after shift.

She was finally over him, how could he do this to her?

She understood his reasons, their close friend Brass had been shot, he was in bad shape, they both needed someone to talk to. Out of everyone on the shift, he had known Sara the longest, which made it quite reasonable that he'd feel the most comfortable talking to her. Talking and coffee led to breakfast at his townhouse, and before either knew what was going on, they were in his bed. So much for being friends.

"_I hope you can forgive me. Feel free to stay in the townhouse for as long as you need, until you can find another apartment….Bye Sara….I love you."_

Sara listened to the message a third time, shaking her head with disgust.

"Can you believe it?"

"Somehow, I can." Greg replied lightly, a concerned smile on his face, "Are you going to be okay?"

Sara laughed dryly, shaking her head, "He didn't even tell me in person, in writing, anything…he left me a message. What's wrong with that man?"

"He's Grissom." Greg replied with a shrug, "I doubt he could do a face-to-face heartfelt goodbye if his life depended on it."

"Kid's got a point." Warrick replied, "Heartfelt emotion isn't really Grissom's thing. You're lucky you got a message…I'm sure if he had thought about it, he would have sent an email or something."

"Do you want us to go kick his ass?" Nick asked, his tone half-joking, half-serious, "I know some people who know some people…."

Sara shook her head with a sad sigh, "I just wish it didn't have to end this way."

"You know what they say, though, when one door closes, another one opens."

Sara nodded, glancing thoughtfully at Greg as she absorbed his words. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of voices in the hallway, and as she checked to make sure the speakerphone was off, she recognized the voices as coming from Catherine and Keppler. With a slight snort, she mused, "As long as the door isn't opening up for him."

The other three looked through the window, nodding in agreement.

"Are you going to be okay?"

Sara looked up at Nick, nodding silently as she squeezed his hand. Exhaling deeply, she released his hand and pushed her chair away from the table, "Great job, great friends? How could I not be?"

"Breakfast?"

"Man," Warrick chided Greg as he stood, "Is that all you ever think about?"

"He thinks about women too." Nick chimed in, nudging Greg as he passed by, "Right Greggo?"

Greg scoffed, pushing Nick slightly, "And I suppose you don't?"

Sara trailed behind, a thoughtful smile on her face. She would be fine. They all would be. They had survived 20+ years without his influence, and with each other, there would be no reason not to be fine without him.

The End.


End file.
